Birth Stories - Delilah

   From the time I found out I was pregnant with Virginia, I wanted to have a homebirth. My husband Kurt was vehemently against it, and I needed him behind me 100% when I was in labor, so I did not push the issue. I brought it up several times throughout my pregnancy, trying to determine if his objections were such that providing him with research or information would change his mind, but in the end, it boiled down to, he just wasn't comfortable and didn't want to do it. Because it was more important to me to have this be OUR experience, shared in love and joy, than to have it exactly the way I wanted it but with him uncomfortable and unhappy, I had given up on the idea and left it alone. We hadn't talked about it in weeks, until I was 39.5 weeks pregnant, when out of the blue, Kurt asked if it would make me really, really happy to have a homebirth? Why yes, in fact, it would! "Then we can do that." With those five words, Kurt relieved my mind of SO many worries and fears about how our impending birth would go! I was so grateful for this gift he gave me, and as everything transpired, if we hadn't changed our plans, chances are good that the birth would not have been anything like as beautiful as it was- birth on the side of the road, anyone? As soon as Kurt said we would have a homebirth, I immediately called our midwife to confirm that it was not too late to make this change in plans. We agreed she would come to our house to do my 40-week prenatal visit and see where our house was, on Tuesday morning at 9.

Tuesday, 4 March 2003, 2:20 a.m.
39 weeks and 5 days pregnant

Our 3 year old son Isaac had a bad dream and came in to our bedroom. I cuddled him into our bed and rubbed his back to get him back to sleep. I got up to use the restroom after he was settled, then tried to lay back down and fall asleep, but couldn't. I noticed I was having a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions, but that was nothing new and they didn't hurt. I tried to lay still and pray, which sometimes relaxes me enough to get me back to sleep, but it didn't work!

3 a.m.

Gave up on trying to sleep, decided to go check my email instead. Sent an email at 3:20 a.m. where I said I thought I might be feeling a bit labor-ish, but "I'm not sure". The contractions didn't change when I got up or when I went to the bathroom- still coming frequently although not painfully. Still, there was a bit of a deep-down-inside crampy quality to them that, along with the frequency, made me think maybe today would be the day. However, I also told my friend that once I had the kids off to school and my midwife had left after my prenatal/home visit at 9, I would give her a call and we could visit- so I wasn't really "clued in" as to what was truly happening yet. These contractions didn't require anything of me- I didn't have to change positions, stop typing, breathe, or anything. But, I was getting a little antsy and distracted. I couldn't "settle" anywhere. I would go to the bathroom and check for bloody show or my mucus plug (nothing), looking for confirmation that maybe this really WAS it, then come back and play on the computer for a minute, then go to the kitchen and drink some water, then try to write email to someone. Then lay down and try to rest, but get back up to pee again minutes later- just very restless. At 3:45 I wrote that I thought I might actually be in labor but I wasn't sure yet. I decided to read a couple of chapters in my book and see if I could get tired again and rest, in case it WAS labor. As I lay on the couch, I noticed that some of the contractions were really QUITE crampy- very PMS, deep inside crampy, and that I needed to pause in my reading and shift a bit on the couch each time one came on. And I decided that in all likelihood, it really was early labor and probably that day or the next at the latest, would be Virginia's birthday!

4:15 a.m.

Gave up on the book, couldn't read more than the two chapters. Drank some water and took a couple of Tylenol for the migraine trying to start on the left side of my skull. Got very still on the couch to "tune in" to the baby. I savored the feeling of her kicking and squirming around in there, and talked to her silently- I told her I had loved feeling her move inside me and that I was glad she was coming to join our family. I prayed that I would always be able to remember the feelings of those little kicks and wiggles, and the special "ripeness" of being nine months' pregnant, and the excitement of knowing every day that "this could be the day" without knowing exactly when. Then another contraction came and I just couldn't lay there anymore, so I went to check for mucus or blood again- nothing. Wondered if I might be over-reacting and maybe this was NOT early labor after all… or if it was just SO early in labor that not enough dilation had happened to cause the plug to come out or the spotting. Took my weight and my measurements and wrote them down… Made a list of things to do before the midwife came at 9 a.m….

5 a.m..

I got back in bed in between Kurt and Isaac and snuggled. I was watching the clock and planning scenarios. Some of the contractions that I timed were 8 or 9 minutes apart, and a few were 5 or 6 or 7 minutes apart, so not very predictable. However, they were beginning to get more intense- lots of position shifting and a little bit of breathing needed during. They lasted less than a minute, and with the long breaks in between, I was okay just lying there thinking.

I kept coming up with different plans for my day. Should I send Kurt on to work and get the kids off to school and have my prenatal appointment at 9 a.m.? Then if I had a vaginal exam and there was actual progress being made by all these contractions even though no blood or mucus indicated that, I could call my friend and doula Laura afterwards, and have her come over and help me decide when to call Kurt and the midwife to come back.

Or, I could call Laura and have her come sooner and actually be here during the prenatal visit, in case she might think of something I forgot that we needed to discuss to be ready for a homebirth. Or, I could keep Kurt home and maybe he could take Isaac to school and I could get things ready for the visit- tidy up the house, making the bed for the birth, etc. I went round and round. I kept thinking how I would really like the kids and Kurt off to school and work, and have the house to myself for a bit, and then if I had "officially" made progress, I could call everyone home for the labor/birth to officially "begin". This mental wrangling occupied me for an hour, other than two more trips to the bathroom to see if there was anything to see, which there still wasn't.

5:50 a.m.

Kurt got up, made coffee and had a shower. I had a long mental debate about whether or not to tell him I was in labor yet, since I was pretty sure by now that it was really labor, but it still seemed like it was going to be a long time before it got serious. Maybe I was having the "cat in labor going to hide in the closet" phenomenon. Also contributing to my reticence was the little part of me that felt like if I didn't admit that it was happening, it wasn't quite happening yet. Saying it out loud made it feel very "official" and inevitable and out of my control- which of course labor IS, but it was still suddenly hard for me to accept it. However something told me that I HAD to tell him, and I was relieved when it was done.

I asked him how long the hot water heater would take to refill and reheat, he said a couple of hours maybe? I replied, "HOURS? Bummer! I wanted a long, hot shower… because we are going to have a baby today!" He asked why I said that, and I replied that I'd been up since 2:20 with contractions and I was pretty sure this was it. He was excited but calm, and went to drink coffee. I said I was going to lay down for a little while longer and then when the hot water might have replenished some, I'd get up and have a shower

But I only lasted about ten or fifteen minutes on the bed this time- I had two contractions where frankly, laying down hurt, and even changing positions while laying down and breathing through them didn't help enough to make laying down sound restful anymore. I hopped right out of bed when the next one hit- upright, they were nowhere near as hard to manage. Off I went to the bathroom again (checked- still nothing! LOL) and then to our home office. I checked email again but I still couldn't settle. Kurt wanted to time a few contractions, and started to do so, but I was having trouble saying exactly when one was starting and ending, because some were quite hard and others I wasn't sure at the beginning of it, if it even WAS a contraction. And, I was going into "if I don't know they are close together then they aren't close together" denial, as well, although at the time I wasn't aware that I was doing that.

6:30 a.m.

I called Laura, we chatted for a few minutes- told her we were having a baby today but that things were moving along fairly slowly, so no rush- just get the kids off to school and then come on over. At 6:38 I instant messaged with Trish for a few minutes, and described the contractions as "5-10 minutes apart, that I can't lay through, can still talk through but would rather not, some can sit through and some not."
While I was having this instant message conversation, I had a contraction I had to stand up through and breathe. Kurt asked if I had called our midwife yet? Well, no… because she's coming at 9 anyway… He suggested that I should go ahead and call. I said I would call at 7, because that is a decent hour to call someone. He said if she is a midwife, she is used to the phone ringing at worse times, so I ought to call. I said we were just talking about 20 minutes here. He didn't reply because I had another contraction and not only did I leap from my chair when it started, but I needed to squat slowly, up and down, through it. Because he is an old pro at being around me in labor now, Kurt didn't say anything during this contraction. However, when it was over, he said gently, that it had not been very long between those last two contractions and that I needed to go ahead and call now. So I paged her- just couldn't quite bring myself to dial the home number at 6:45 a.m.

"Good morning, Delilah."

"Hi, I know you're coming over in a little while anyway, but I just wanted to let you know we're going to have a baby today!"

"OK, how are you doing? How close together are the contractions?"

Well, that's when I started dithering. I just couldn't admit it. (As she later remarked when Laura and Julie were saying how sorry they were they had missed the birth, and we were commenting on the lack of advance warning I had managed to provide even with the best of intentions- AGAIN- "When Delilah is in labor, she LIES.") I hemmed and hawed that the contractions were somewhere between 4 and 10 minutes apart, and that I couldn't sit through them anymore but I wasn't making any noise. And that during the contractions, I was sure I was in labor, but between them, I thought I might be over-reacting. And she was already coming at nine, so she thought she would still just come at nine?

No, our wise midwife replied, she thought she would shower and get dressed and come on over. I replied that in that case, I would do the same, and we hung up. This demonstrates that she has far better judgment of where a pregnant woman is in labor than said pregnant woman, because although my words and tone of voice were all "oh, this is no big deal", the fact is- I was definitely in active labor and moving right along by this point.

6:45 a.m.

I told Kurt I had to go take a shower now, lots of hot water or no, because she was going to come over even sooner than 9, and I still had to get everything tidied up and wash the sheets and fix the bed and make Isaac's snacks for his snack day at preschool and get Vanessa ready for school by 8 and Isaac ready for preschool by 8:30. Then I suggested maybe on second thought, he should wake Isaac up out of our bed and strip it and get the sheets started- but in cold water- while I showered, because that wasn't much time. I had a fast shower because I had a couple more "up and down slowly squatting" contractions while trying to get clean, and decided to forego conditioning my hair.

When I stepped from the shower, chaos had broken loose. Isaac was bawling like his heart would break, laying on my stripped mattress, and Vanessa was arguing with Kurt about getting ready for school- both kids are in quite a "morning routine" and trying to suggest they deviate from it hadn't gone over well. Kurt usually leaves before they get up on school days, so he had no way of knowing the order we always do things, and both kids were freaking out. I called both kids to the bedroom. With Isaac on my left and Vanessa on my right and my arms around each of them, Vanessa still huffy and Isaac still wailing, I told them we were going to have baby Virginia today- she was going to come out! This was sufficiently interesting to distract Isaac from his sense of ill-usage at having the sheets snatched out from under him, and Vanessa got very excited. I explained that it would probably be today, although it could possibly take a long time and be tomorrow- but that the pains in my tummy had started and Virginia would come out soon.

We made a plan- Vanessa would get ready and go on to school, but would let Ms. Starr, her teacher, know that she would probably be leaving early today, when it was close to time for the baby to come. Isaac and I would go and make his snacks for him to be the snack leader at preschool, then he could get dressed and eat breakfast and go to Ms. Elsik's class, and after preschool maybe it would be almost time for Virginia's birthday party. Everyone was much happier now, but then a contraction hit and I practically shoved both kids out of my lap and leapt off the bed saying urgently, "Move, move! Mommy has to get up!"

I was squatting up and down through the contraction and Vanessa immediately got up and started rubbing my back, saying "A contraction! Is this good, Mom? Does this help?" She asked twice (with no reply from me- couldn't talk through it at this point) before she gasped and said, "Oh, no! No talking during contractions, I'm sorry!" and didn't say anything else until it was over. When it passed and I stood upright, she immediately apologized again for having asked me questions while I was having a contraction and then asked if she had done the back rub right? When I assured her that it was okay, and yes, it had helped, and thanked her, she just broke into a HUGE, gleeful grin and said "Now I KNOW Virginia will be born today!"

Vanessa went to get dressed for school while Isaac and I headed to the kitchen. Isaac LOVES to help me cook, and making the snacks for his snack day at preschool is as exciting to him as actually getting to eat them later. We were just making slice and bake cookies, string cheese, and milk, so all Isaac needed to do was get the pan out, turn the oven on, break the cookie dough into chunks and arrange them on the pan, and turn on the oven light so he could watch them cook. My part was to open the package for him, put the pan in the oven, put away the half of the package we didn't need, and set the timer. During this process, which I didn't organize very well (i.e. I forgot to have him turn the oven on to preheat before we started), I had a big contraction that was the first one I had to do my famous "lean on something, bent over double, and breathe" maneuver through. When Kurt saw that, he started moving even faster than he had been. Isaac was so sweet- he started rubbing my back like he had seen Vanessa do, and saying, "It's okay, Mommy. You'll be all right."

We got the cookies in the (still stone cold) oven, and I gave Isaac the important job of watching for the "preheat" light to go off so I could turn the timer on then. This also had the side benefit of occupying him for a few moments, as I was still in my robe and wanted to dress, fix my hair, brush my teeth, etc. I tried to put away the cookie dough and got out the Ziploc bag but then got hit with another contraction, so I shoved the dough and the bag in Kurt's direction and bent over the kitchen counter to breathe. Isaac came running with my red raspberry leaf capsules bottle, saying, "Here's your medicine, Mommy, this will make you feel MUCH better!" Sweet boy!

What to wear? What could I wear? It had to be totally comfortable but still presentable, because I was going to have a prenatal appointment- I was STILL thinking of this as an appointment, where she was going to come and see where the house was, check me and let me know how I was progressing, and then leave until it was time for her to come for the birth. This was the scenario I had "planned" and I just was still stuck in it, even though Kurt and Vanessa were both aware that I was DEEP in active labor. I tried on three different pairs of underwear- maternity ones, regular bikini ones, stretched out regular ones- nothing was comfortable. OK, skip the underwear, but now what can I wear? Definitely not pants without underwear. A dress then, but long enough to cover my naked hiney when I bend over double with contractions, even over my nine-months-pregnant belly (amazing how much shorter dresses hang with that belly!)… I dithered around for a couple of minutes until I had another contraction and quickly opted for a flannel dress with a velvet collar. The dress is on, okay, shoes? No wait- don't need shoes because I DO NOT HAVE TO LEAVE MY HOUSE! Thank God for homebirth. I swear I was in such la-la land that I'd have been putting on tights and flats to go with the dang dress.

Now it was about 7:35 or so- I called my sister and BIL's house, to tell Chris that I'm in labor, so be ready to come whenever, and that the midwife is coming sometime around 9, so I'll update him then. And that I'm sending Vanessa over for Nane to take with her to school, but that she should be ready to leave school, bringing Vanessa with her, whenever she gets the call. He assures me that they'll be ready (and indeed, he got here about 2 minutes before the birth, providing us with the wonderful photos of "what was happening outside the birth room") and we hung up. The phone rang again about 30 seconds later- it's my sister- "So you're in labor?!?!?" "Yes, I am." "How far apart?" "I don't know- I haven't timed any since 5:30 a.m. but I'm still fine between contractions. Still, it will be today so leave your cell phone on, okay?" Then I called my mom- I'm in labor, check your cell phone as often as you can today, okay?

Vanessa and I met up in the bathroom, she is brushing her teeth while I am trying to blow my hair dry and off my face. Only problem- I have three contractions as I attempt to do this. The first time I try to lean bent over the vanity while still holding the round brush and hairdryer in place- bad plan, I about burn the crud out of my scalp. Drop the brush and hairdryer (still running) on the countertop, which causes Vanessa to look over at me, drop her toothbrush and come to rub my back. Whew, got through that one. Back to my hair. The next one was so hard that the leaning and bending over isn't enough. I tried a new thing- straightened my legs out, leaned with straight arms on the vanity and went up and down on my tiptoes to flat feet, down to a squat, back up to straight, then tip toe, flat feet, squat… several times through. That felt better. Vanessa is finished brushing her teeth, can I get you anything, Mom? Go get something for breakfast, honey, and come back and I'll fix your hair. OK, Mom. (clearly not wanting to leave but knowing that cardinal rule #1 is not to argue with a woman in labor LOL)

Isaac says the oven is preheated, but argues when Daddy wants to turn the timer on because that is Mommy's job. He consents eventually. I try again with my hair. Got enough of it blown dry that I can spray it off my face, although it looks pretty bad. At least it won't be in my face. Think about makeup- decide there is enough mascara left from having gone to church two days before that I can't justify the risk of poking my eye out if a contraction hits while I'm trying to put more on, and just go with lipstick. Try to pee again, still no bloody show or mucus. I'm vaguely aware of thinking how unfair it is that the contractions should already be so hard if I haven't even dilated enough to at least lose my mucus plug. (Talk about not in reality!) I brush my teeth and Vanessa comes back and rubs my back through another contraction. Then I sit and brush her hair- don't do a very good job of it, but it's passable

7:55 a.m.

The phone rings, it's my sister- is Vanessa coming, we have to go? Kurt sends Vanessa across the street, with me calling out I'll see her soon. (If I had had the faintest clue just HOW soon, I would have said neither of them should have gone, but oh well.)

Kurt has the bed mostly made with a sheet, then the shower curtain, then another sheet and is moving all the other covers out of the way. I am a little disoriented by how different my room looks with a big naked white sheeted bed and the chest moved away from the foot and no pillows and all- he was quick and I was distracted- I didn't even know he had done it. Isaac is calling me that the cookies are ready, Kurt says they aren't, there was some heated discussion, but the end result was that Kurt was allowed to leave them in long enough to finish cooking, and then to take them out of the oven, even though that was Mommy's job and he only wanted me to do it. (Three year olds REALLY like routine and deviating from it can be a bear!)

Kurt had tidied the living room and gotten Isaac's clothes on him and I was grateful to see that- I was now really distracted and having trouble snapping out of labor-land and back to "real life" between contractions. I had to go to my desk to consult the list I had made in the middle of the night, to see what I was supposed to do next. It said "Before prenatal appointment- laundry, dishes, make bed for birth, make Isaac's snacks for preschool, shower, fix hair, get kids ready for school, tidy living room". OK, a lot of that was now done. Can't do any more laundry right now because the sheets are in the washer. Dishes? Should I go do the dishes? I went into the kitchen. Kurt was giving Isaac breakfast and Isaac wanted to watch a movie, Kurt said they don't have time before preschool (which starts at 8:30) for a movie, they were arguing about it. (Did I mention 3 year olds like routine?)

Watching this exchange, I forgot all about the dishes and went back to my office, thinking I would post to the March Mommies that it definitely IS labor after all- as I try to sit to type, a contraction starts and it hurts so much that I jump up and involuntarily start hum-moaning through the contraction- "hmmmmmm…. Ohhhhhhhh…. Hohhhhhhhh…" Kurt hears this and comes very quickly. He sees me leaning over my desk humming and says emphatically, "WHERE is the midwife?" "I don't Knoooooowwwwww……." (He told me later, he knew when I started making noise that it was almost over and that was when he wanted her to hurry it on up and GET HERE.) He went back to the living room and told Isaac he could watch a movie after all- Jonah and the Big Fish- thinking, no way was he going to be able to leave in 15 minutes to take Isaac to preschool, so fine, Isaac might as well watch a video. (Good thing Kurt didn't take Isaac to preschool, or he'd have missed the birth altogether.)

8:08 a.m.

I managed to type "Definitely labor" but couldn't get any further than that, and I hit "post". Meanwhile Trish instant messaged me again that she was praying for me, to which at 8:14, I replied "soon" but couldn't type anything more because I hit transition at just that moment- I didn't know it at the time, but Kurt surely did. I still hadn't had any bloody show or mucus and I was SO fixated on that, though I have no idea why! But that I was in transition NEVER occurred to me, at the time.

What I was thinking was how I suddenly needed someone WITH me, because it hurt. I got on my hands and knees on the floor of my office and buried my head in my desk chair and started bawling… not because of the pain, but because no one was with me. Kurt was still running around trying to get everything ready and I needed him to be doing that, since I obviously couldn't do it- but I needed SOMEONE to be with me, and I was feeling very alone and needy, and I just was crying like my heart was breaking. This brought Kurt back on the run- and put him in a tough position because he needed to help me but he, unlike me, was VERY clear that the baby was coming SOON and although he had agreed to a homebirth, he hadn't agreed to an UNASSISTED birth, which was how it was starting to look, and it was hard for him to know which need to attend to first. He again asked where the midwife was.

I called Laura on the cell phone to find out if she were close, but when she answered, another contraction hit and all I could get out was a wail- "Where ARE youuuuu?!" which ended up sounding more like an accusation than a request for her present whereabouts (which was actually what I was trying to get). She replied that she was coming, or on her way, or something, and I had to hang up- I couldn't talk anymore, I had to moan through the contraction. The phone rang- it was our midwife- "I'm at the birth center now, picking up a few things, how are you doing?" To which I replied (understatement) "I'm ready for you to be here now." The tenor of my voice told the story, as she said "OK!" and hung up without another word!

I buried my face back in my chair and cried some more. The phone rang again but I had, in those brief moments, passed the point of being able to answer it. Kurt came in and I handed him the phone and made "shoo-ing" motions- get that noisy, obnoxious thing away from me. Our midwife was about six blocks from the house, wanting to make sure she hadn't missed the turn already. He told her to keep coming, assured me that she was almost here and then went out on the porch to signal her. (She later told us that the reason she called was she thought she MUST have missed the turnoff, it MUST have already come, because surely I couldn't have been originally thinking I was going to WALK all that way to the birth center in active labor- I'd have had my baby out on the sidewalk!)

I stayed on the floor of the office breathing, moaning and crying- and feeling VERY sorry for myself, in this BIZARRE mental space where I THOUGHT I was totally rational and objective, because I was having pseudo-sensible thoughts like "I can't ask Kurt to come and stay with me because he is making everything ready and Lord knows I can't seem to get anything done at the moment" without ever once thinking "the reason I am so overwhelmed right now is because I AM IN TRANSITION". Nope, it NEVER occurred to me. And in fact, I was a little concerned about how I could pull myself together by the time everyone arrived so they wouldn't think I was a big wimp for crying on the floor about no one being here to tell me I was doing okay, when I was in early labor and hadn't even dilated enough to lose my (you guessed it) mucus plug or have a bloody show.

8:20 a.m.

Kurt came back to the office and said, "She is here, can you go to the bedroom?" "Yes, but I have to have a tissue first." Because God forbid I should "greet company" with a runny nose from a self-pity party! Kurt wanted me to blow my nose in the bedroom- in retrospect, I think there was a little word bubble over his head that said, "Please do not have the baby right here, right now, on the floor of the office", but at the time, I still didn't get it. He gave me a whole BOX of tissues and said, come on, let's take these to the bedroom. Meanwhile, he had only stood on the porch until the midwife saw him, then come back inside to get me off the floor, so she let herself in- there's Isaac in the living room, eating breakfast and watching Jonah. She asked him, "Isaac, where's your mommy?" He said "In her room." "OK, well, good, where is her room?" He was totally unfazed by her being here- we have a book about homebirth, and the mommy tells the son about her pains in her tummy, about how yelling feels good when the baby is coming, etc. and at one point in the book, the midwife arrives with all her things and sets them up, so I suppose to Isaac, it was quite normal and unsurprising for our midwife to show up at our house with a load of things after I'd told him the baby was coming today.

When she made it to our bedroom, I was in the midst of another heavy contraction, bent over the dresser with my face buried in the pile of clean, old towels, moaning and swaying my hips side to side while I squatted up and down. She had one look at me and as soon as the contraction passed, she said "Is Laura Richardson coming?" "Yes." "Is she on her way?" "Yes." "OK, then I am canceling the birth assistant, because there is no way she is going to make it for this birth." And she hadn't even checked me yet! When she said that, I was finally "got" that maybe I was further into labor than I had thought, lack of mucus plug or bloody show notwithstanding. That really was the first time I began to understand. Fortunately, she did not appear to think I was a wimp, or I might have had a complete breakdown.

She sent Kurt to go get her things out of the trunk of the car while she set up in the room, I think I tried to show her where the baskets of birth supplies were in my house- that would have been, the floor of the office, for who knows what reason- but I don't think I ever made it to the office and Kurt brought them in when he got back with the things from her trunk. She also had him call Laura to see where she was- I told him the number was out on my desk- unfortunately she was still 25 minutes away.

Once all the supplies were gathered and the Chux pads were laid out on the bed, she suggested we do an internal exam. I emphatically told her NOT to break my water, no matter what she did, because I just couldn't handle any increase in pain right now- I was not ready yet. She assured me she would be very careful. I managed to climb onto the edge of the bed for the exam. She made a comment about me being ahead of the game by having skipped the underwear- I suppose given how reticent I was the one and only time she had done an internal exam during my prenatal care, perhaps she was surprised and grateful that I wasn't wearing both underwear and tights to give birth in.

"Yes, you're at nine with a bulging bag of water and the baby is right here. If you push, you're having a baby- if there's anyone you want here for the birth, we have to call them RIGHT NOW."
My response? "Oh, CRAP!"

"No, NOT 'oh, crap'! You're doing great- you're DONE- your work is over. You push and you have a baby! That's great! The hard part is over!"

"No one is here! Vanessa is not here! Kurt, call Nane quick! Get Nessa here RIGHT NOW! The number is in my cell phone!"

As Kurt rushed to call my sister, I was so afraid, after all of our months of preparation, that Vanessa was going to miss the birth- she would have been devastated, and with every fiber of my being, I was going to hold back, if I could, until she made it home. But now, having heard that I was at 9, suddenly (FINALLY!) I was VERY aware that I was in transition and that it was all going so fast and it was already almost over and I had to wait and that's why it hurt so much and I was in mental chaos. Kurt assured me that he had called and they were on their way. The school is only 3 blocks away, but my sister had to get permission to leave, and to take Vanessa, and the process ended up taking fifteen minutes- the longest fifteen minutes of my life… except maybe the fifteen minutes between when my water broke and Isaac was born!

The midwife was asking Kurt for things and he was in and out of the room, but one or the other of them was with me all the time now, and not being alone really helped. I wanted to squat on the floor at the foot of the bed and bury my face in the bed, but I was afraid I would involuntarily push the baby out if I did- it felt like I was holding back a dam, my legs shook with the effort of not pushing during contractions. I moaned and rocked back and forth on my hands and knees on the bed through each one. She assured me that I was doing great- that I could have my baby any time I wanted, whenever I was ready- that Vanessa was on her way- and at one point she said something about that I was very controlled. This struck me as terribly funny, because I surely did not FEEL controlled. I felt like there was a three-ring circus going on in my head and my body, trying to not push, but I tried to make a joke- something like "yeah, you know me, all about control" but I am not sure how much of that I managed to actually say out loud. I am pretty sure I asked several times if Vanessa was here yet, and was told she would be here any minute. At one point, I suggested checking heart tones, which she did while I was on hands and knees, but I remember holding my dress out of the way for her, and vaguely thinking I couldn't believe I could still hold myself stable on one hand and two knees, even for 20 seconds. That was my only "monitoring" the entire labor!

At one point I said "Juice!" and in moments my wonderful husband had a cold glass of the sparkling grape juice (since I don't drink champagne) that I had bought for the birth celebration, with a straw, right at my face level so I didn't have to change positions to drink it. I had never tasted anything so good, and I remember being impressed at his resourcefulness, because since that was for "after the birth," I would not have thought to open it, I'd have been in there making juice from concentrate and taking a lot longer about it. That is another example of the kind of "stuck in my plan" inflexible thinking I get into when I am in labor. Oh, well.

Then I needed a cold washrag very badly. Our midwife remarked that I was very hot, would I like to change into a t-shirt or something instead of the flannel dress? Um. OK. Although she had to ask a couple of times, because that was a little difficult of a decision to make at that moment, I WAS really hot now, sweating. Were there any t-shirts around? Perhaps in one of these drawers? Yes, bottom right, I managed to answer. She got the dress off me and the shirt onto me very quickly, without unduly damaging my modesty or making me get off hands and knees for longer than a second, and I did feel much better, although I was still sweating and shaking with the effort of not pushing, and of being on hands and knees rocking back and forth for so long. (I was glad to have practiced this motion a lot so my muscles were accustomed.)

Kurt got back with the washrag, which he held pressed to my forehead, my neck, the back of my neck- then he had to go do something- open the door for my sister and Vanessa, I think? She stacked some pillows against the wall and I buried my head in them- was so grateful for that. She began to rub my back, saying I should tell her if it didn't feel good, and I suddenly knew I needed the washrag on the small of my back, which she did. Ahhhhh. That felt good too. At some point I reiterated that I really hoped I would not tear, and she reassured me that she didn't think I would.

8:40 a.m.

FINALLY , Vanessa burst through the door. She was so excited! The midwife asked if I wanted her there beside me, and I did- so they were side by side, with Kurt on the other side of the bed. Vanessa got to give me a drink of juice, and put the washrag on me once, and then a contraction came. The midwife said, "OK, Delilah, Vanessa is here, you can have your baby now."

I pushed, and the bag of waters came out intact- Vanessa burbled joyfully, "Oh! The amniotic sac!" This was excruciating. The midwife said "I'm going to break your bag now, and the baby will be here." She didn't need a hook or anything- just her finger, it was already out of me. Vanessa later remarked that it looked like the kind of plastic wrap you get at Christmas, with the pinkish tinge to it. She had been fascinated by the membranes and amniotic fluid all along, so this was very cool for her to get to see.

I pushed again and Virginia's head came out- Vanessa saying, "There's her head, it's coming out, here she comes, Mom!" with the midwife encouraging me but at one point cautioning- gently, gently- and I WAS able to pull back just a little- keep steadily pushing her out but not push full-tilt like I did with Isaac. Then I caught my breath, and, "OK, one more push and she's here!" So I pushed- and out she came! It was extraordinary this time- I felt each different sensation. Her head coming out felt different from the bag coming out, which felt different from her body coming out, I even felt the cord coming out afterwards- that was the weirdest feeling, like I was a Silly String dispenser or something, with rope coming out! And oh, the RELIEF!

8:43 a.m.

My sweet baby came out screaming, I think she was screaming before she was all the way even out, so that even though I was still on my hands and knees, face buried in pillows and couldn't see anything, I immediately knew she was okay. I lay there panting and shaking for a second, I heard the midwife telling Vanessa to grab a couple of towels from on top of the chest to wipe the baby off and wrap her up in, and Vanessa saying she would choose a pink one. I turned and looked over my shoulder, but couldn't quite form the thought of what to do- she suggested that I lift my leg over the cord so I could sit down- my shaking muscles were happy to do that, once she suggested it, after 20 minutes or more on hands and knees. As soon as I sat, they handed Virginia to me and I got my first look at her- and loved her beyond imagining even as I thought, wow, that's not what I thought you looked like! But she was just screaming, a healthy mad scream, and I was so happy!

And then she got pink and she had lots of hair, and a little bit of vernix but not much (Vanessa remarked later that there was not near as much blood or vernix as she had thought there was going to be- she thought the baby would look more like a marshmallow baby with strawberry syrup- that much vernix and blood! LOL) and a little blood, and a LOT of poop! My goodness, there was poop everywhere, all over me! I never had a baby poop like that at birth before. Interestingly enough, I didn't care- it didn't smell bad- but it was just pretty funny. I held Virginia for a moment and talked to her, while Vanessa ran to get Isaac. He came in and was nonplussed by the blood, but he was happy to see Virginia- and then went back to finish making the birthday cake with my sister, which was more interesting to him at that moment!

Then the afterbirth came, and WHAT a relief! It was almost as big a relief as the baby coming out- I felt so light! (This feeling of lightness was an illusion- I still have nearly 20 lbs to lose. Ugh.) Then Vanessa got to cut the cord, and Kurt got a GREAT picture of this- probably my favorite picture from the entire birth. She watched the midwife clamp it, and then she cut it with the scissors and she and the midwife examined the placenta, even turning it inside out for Ness, to show her which part the baby was in, where it was attached inside of me, etc. Vanessa found all this fascinating- I have a great photo of the placenta, with Vanessa pointing to the different parts while the midwife talks about them. My daughter surprised my mother-in-law later by announcing she wanted to be a midwife and a lawyer when she grew up.

Once the placenta was examined, I suggested going to have a shower since I was covered in meconium. The midwife nixed that idea, as it had only been about four or five minutes since I had given birth- she thought we should wait a bit longer! Wow, five minutes, is that all? I felt great! On my request, she checked me- no tear, not even a skidmark. It is amazing, the difference this makes in recovering. I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, flat on my bottom, less than an hour after giving birth. What a difference! So, I moved to the other side of the bed so the used Chux pads could be disposed of, and cleaned myself up as best I could with baby wipes. I did get to go have a shower a few minutes later, though.

It was so special to me that my midwife cared to know all my preferences by heart, and was looking out for them in the thick of things- knowing I wouldn't want to be naked and finding me something else to wear instead of just wanting me to take off my too-hot dress… keeping me focused and encouraging me NOT to push so that Vanessa could get there, because that was important to me… asking Kurt to grab the camera to take the photos she knew I wanted, because neither he nor I had the presence of mind to be thinking about photos at that time, but right down to what specific shots, she remembered, and had Kurt do them… she included Vanessa at every turn. Although she doesn't think of herself as a "touchy- feely" type of person, she really WAS hands-on and encouraging and warm, and just as I needed her to be at that moment in time, when I had been feeling so alone. I was so glad to have chosen her as my midwife.

Here is the essay Vanessa wrote in class the day after Virginia was born:

THE BEST BABY SISTER
My mom had a baby. She was born two days ago. I had to leave school very, very early. She was born at home. I cut the umbilical cord and saw my mom push her out. She came out screaming. She is cute and little and I like to hold her. She does not cry when I hold her. She is my sister. She is the best. She has soft spots on her head. My brother likes her. I like her too. My whole family loves her. Now… I have a little brother and a little sister. I love them both. When she starts to eat solids, I don't know where we'll find a highchair! But she won't eat that for awhile. Oh, well. She's only two days old. We'll worry about that later in life, I guess.